Marriage 101

So as I mentioned in the "About Me" section I do a lot of marriage counseling through my job. This was a newer area for me but I really enjoy it and feel like the Lord has given me lots of insights into how to help people begin to clean up their marriages and find a new identity in Christ. I wanted to share a 3 main areas that God has shown me are very important in maintaining a good marriage:

#1. We have to be built on the solid rock of Christ. In Matthew we are given the parable about the wise man who built his house on the rock and when the storms came his house did not fall. God says "when" the storms come, not "if." We will have struggles in our marriages so don't feel alone if you do...everyone does or will at some point. We just have be rooted in the solid rock of God and we do that by being in his Word and in prayer as a family. I love "Night Light" by James Dobson...we both think some of the devotionals in there are a little corney, but the conversation it evokes is wonderful. Being in church together and doing a couples devotional is very good for a marriage.

#2. Communication. This means being able to talk openly and honestly without feeling like the things you say will be thrown back at you. Being able to put Kate to bed, turn off the tv, sit on the couch together and talk...it's such a wonderful time. It's good to talk about everything from how you are feeling to how your day was...just talk. Another part of communication is conflict resolution...being able to talk about issues without having to argue or hurt feelings. This one is more difficult, but good to try.

#3 Love Buttons. I think that we all have ways that we feel loved (some of you have read the love language book). I have made Josh and I come up with 5 "love buttons" for eachother so that we are intentional about pushing those buttons on a regular basis (I know...poor Josh has to put up with being married to the therapist.) Love buttons are things that make us feel really loved or appreciated. One person I knew felt loved when their wife matched all of their socks before putting them up. Josh really likes when the house is clean and I get one of my love buttons pushed when Josh lays on my side of the bed while I am getting ready for bed so that it's all warm when I get in...he's so sweet! We all have several of those little things that make us feel loved! Its good to know what your mate's love buttons are, and to push them as much as possible!

So these are just a few things that I feel are important in a marriage. I remember when we were in pre-marital counseling and the minister said "marriage is hard work" and I thought to myself "maybe yours, but not mine!" He was right...it is work if we want it to be good! Even if you marry your best friend, you still have to work to keep the relationship nurished and healthy. So here's to happy marriages!!!